


Broken.

by Rogue1987



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, OTP Feels, Post-Divorce, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 12:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2388971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue1987/pseuds/Rogue1987
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Frank left Chelsea, both he and John break down completely.<br/>And as if that isn't painful enough, Frank will break John's heart in another way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Incomplete.

**Author's Note:**

> Well after that goal Lamps scored against Chelsea a while ago, I've been thinking about writing this.  
> So here it is: my first Lamperry fic. 
> 
> Bring the tissues cause shit will get sad.

_Manchester_.

 

''John open the door, _please!''_ Frank yelled while he slammed his fists on the hotel door for the tenth time.  
Frank was not used to begging in his life and he hated having to do it now.

He knew that he had to talk to John after what had happened during the game, oh that damn game, Frank already hated the memory of it.  
Frank could tell that his former lover was very upset about the events and how they had played out.

He tried to comfort him after the referee had blown the whistle, tried to give him a hug, but John avoided his gaze, hugged him briefly and walked off as quick as he could.

Frank's life had been a bit of a roller coaster lately, he had left his old life in London behind to move to Manchester to play for City.

He knew that his choice hurt had hurt John a lot, but he had no choice.  
Mourinho had shuffled him out of the back door, and he had two options: move to New York or stay in England and play for one of their arch enemies.

So Frank had stayed, because he couldn't bear it to move to America, cause he knew he would never see John again on a daily basis.  
When he had signed with City he had to do the toughest job in the world: telling the love of his life that he was moving away from him.

John had stared at Frank for ten minutes with his jaw dropped when he had told him and Frank could never get the look of utter _betrayal_ that was displayed on John's face out of his head.

He saw that hurt, broken down face in his dreams, he saw it when he was awake, Frank would forever be haunted by John's shattered expression when he had heard he was leaving him.

''John, love please say something?'' he had begged after the long and shocked silence but John only shook his head and stared to the blue paint job on his walls, his eyes cold and looking numb.

''Hey I'm so sorry okay? It's not like I did this on purpose!  
I had no choice, would you rather had it that I had moved to the States?'' Frank asked as he kneeled in front of John who was sitting on his blue couch.

John still said nothing so he stretched his hand out and tried to cup John's face but the younger man slapped his hand away, his blue eyes suddenly very much alive and on fire.

_**''Fuck off!** _   
_**Don't you ever dare touch me again! You fucking traitor!!** _

_**How dare you leave me behind!! And the team?** _   
_**We were suppose to retire here! You and me!** _

_**That was the fucking deal remember?!** _

_**Did you even think about how the fans would take this news?** _

_**Or how I would take it?**_  
 _ **I thought you loved me Lamps, but I guess the only thing you cared about was the fucking money!''**_ John screamed, his words cutting their way like a giant knife trough Frank's heart.

He knew that John would be furious when he told him, he expected his anger, his disappointment and his pain, but he would have never imagined in a million years that John would ever say that Frank didn't love him.

He felt the tears sting in his eyes and swallowed hard while he tried to compose himself.

Sure he loved John with all his heart and a part of him wanted to run out of his house as quick as he could, but after more then twenty years together Frank knew better than anyone to not give in to John's temper.

John was like an autumn day, fierce, cloudy, unpredictable, passionate, cold and warm at the same time.  
He could explode like no other but the words on itself meant nothing, not usually.

Frank knew all this so he did what he always did when John exploded: take a few deep breaths, trying to control his own anger and not let himself be cast aside.  
He knew that John was very stubborn but he himself was exactly the same, so he would not bend to his lover.

 _Not even today._  
He sat down on the couch next to John and took his hand.

John wrestled his hand loose as quick as he could, but Frank persisted and clasped it in his own again.  
But John repeated the same ritual, by jerking his hand free.

After the sixth time of trying, John didn't struggle anymore and Frank could finally hold onto his lovers hand, enlacing their fingers together.  
John said nothing, he just stared into his living room, allowing Frank to stroke his thumb over his palm.

John's hand was extremely cold in his own warm, sweaty hand and that worried Frank.  
John always had warm hands and feeling all the heath leaving them was unsettling.

After a while of silence John started crying.  
Frank had expected it sooner, but as always John managed to surprise him, even after all those years.

He wrapped his arm around John's shoulders and tugged him close to his chest.

John allowed it this time, and clenched himself onto Frank with a ferocity that suited his character, he clenched on Frank so hard that he almost doubted if he would ever let him go.

Frank didn't say anything, after all: _what could he say?_

What do you say to the love of your life when you're about to leave him behind, not because you want to but because you were forced into making a choice that would be awful either way.

''Why didn't you retire Lamps?'' John suddenly asked, his face buried in Frank's shoulder.  
''What?'' he asked, completely stunned at the suggestion.

''You heard me,''  
''Why in gods name would I retire?'' Frank asked, genuinely surprised.

Sure he knew he was getting older and all that, but retirement never really came to mind.  
He was still fit, could still play a lot and still scored goals.

Sure he needed a bit more rest then when he was younger, but no retiring hadn't come to mind.

''Well I get that your choices sucked okay, really I do.  
 _But you had a third option Lamps: retiring_.

If you had retired then we would have been together now, then the fans would not have seen you as a traitor.  
Then you didn't have to move away from me.

You chose to walk away from me and the team, while you're already thirty-six years old Frank, you're not getting any younger and you will have to retire soon anyway.  
So I don't get why you didn't do it now, so we could be together.

You chose your _ambition_ love, it's what you always do.  
While you should have picked me, but you didn't and now...-'' John sighed as if he had to force the next words out of his mouth.

''-now it's over between us Lamps,'' he sighed, his eyes red from the tears and Frank felt himself get paler and nauseous.

''What do you mean that it's over?!'' he choked out, desperation growing in his mind, an iron fist clenching around his heart choking the life out of him.

''We're not partners anymore love, and don't you dare blame me for that!  
 _ **You broke us! What we had is broken!**_

After all this time together I thought you would pick me in the end, but you chose your ambition, your hunger for more money!  
I don't love you anymore!

Not now that everything we achieved together, everything we did turned out to be a fucking lie!  
Before I kick you out of my house tell me one thing at least,'' John begged, the words ripping Frank's heart to pieces bit by bit.

 _''What do-you wanna-know?''_ he cried out, tears bursting over his pale cheeks.

''Did you ever love me?

Or was all that fake too just like your loyalty to this team?'' John asked and god, that comment caused Frank more pain then anything else he had ever felt in his life and something snapped inside of him.

Frank felt all the remaining blood disappearing from his face and his anger bubbled over.

Before he could control himself he had punched John in his face with his fist, hard enough to blacken his eye.  
John stomped him in his stomach before Frank could apologize and they were rolling over the floor, fighting before either one could stop it.

''You take-that back-you fucking asshole!!!'' Frank shouted while he placed another punch in John's stomach, hating himself more by the second.

 _''Stop Lamps, please...''_ John begged, and he stopped punching him, making Frank stop too, who was lying on top of him panting hard.

Frank placed his forehead against John's and placed his warm hands on his lovers cheeks.

''I'm sorry for punching you, but this question is insane and ridiculous love, and it's fucking offensive.  
How can you doubt my love for you after everything we overcame together?

How can you even wonder if it was all real?

Of course it was, I've loved you since the first time I shook your hand until this moment and I will never stop loving you until the day I die and that is the truth and it will always be the pure truth.

I've _never_ lied to you about how I felt towards you okay, never!'' he panted, and he gazed into John's beautiful blue eyes, searching for answers in them, for a flicker of love, a hint of affection.

And he saw it, but only for a second and then it was gone again.

''You are the love of my life and that will never change, because you're the one JT.  
 _And I love you and only you,''_ he cried and before he knew it John had kissed him fiercely and deep.

Frank closed his eyes in enjoyment and felt his lovers warm tongue slide into his mouth eagerly and passionate, and he felt himself smile only for a second because then he felt hot tears landing on his cheeks like bullets.

The tears were not his own, and he knew that this was eating John alive.

He felt him nibble at his lower lip for a second, and he placed one last deep kiss to his lips and then John let him go and wrestled himself out of Frank's grip and got up from the floor.

''Please go now, I can't bare it to see you go,'' he sniffed, tears still rolling over his beautiful cheeks.  
''JT please don't kick me out now, not like this. This can't be our goodbye, it just can't...'' Frank begged, taking his lovers hands into his own.

 _''Then how come it is?''_ John asked, his voice quivering and he kissed Frank's forehead one last time before letting him go.

''Well we'll see each other soon right? I mean I'll visit you and you come visit me-''

''No we're not going to do that, when I said we were done I meant it Lamps.  
I love you okay, but sometimes that's not enough anymore.

And I meant it when I said that you broke us by making this choice.  
So no we won't be together anymore.  
Please go now!'' John snapped and Frank felt sick and started sweating like an ox.

''Oh come on, you can't be serious?  
You're breaking up with me because I'm going to another team?''

''No I'm breaking up with you because you're going to another team without even _discussing_ it with me, without even considering other options like retiring. Because you didn't even think about how this would affect our relationship.

That is why we're breaking up!  
Now get out!!!'' he shouted and he gestured with his hand to the door.

Frank's feet seemed to move with a life on their own suddenly and he felt himself storm out of John's house and slamming the door shut with a bang.  
When he came home he could not stop crying and he didn't sleep for a week.

It had been almost a month after their break up when they were playing against each other for the first time this season.  
Frank was dreading it enormously, and he also looked forward to it.

He missed John so much that it hurt to breath sometimes, just not being around him anymore everyday, to not train with him anymore, to never kiss that amazing lips again, he missed all of him.

He felt like a ghost, like he was not really there, he slept and he ate but nothing felt real.

It was like there was a giant hole in his heart that deprived him of sleep, air and feeling happy.  
He had never been this depressed in his life, not even when his mother had died years ago.

At least when that had happened, John had been there, helping him trough it.  
Now he was completely alone, surrounded by strangers and all he wanted to do was go home.

He had watched Chelsea's games on TV of course, and he noticed that John was not doing well either.  
His _'former'_ lover looked down right depressed and Frank knew him long enough to know that he was not dealing with his grief or his anger.

Frank had tried to call him a couple times, but every time when he had mastered the courage to dial his number ( which he knew by heart ) he threw the phone back on his night stand.

John had asked him for space and he felt like he should respect that.  
On the other hand: maybe he was proving John right by not calling him, showing him that he indeed had not cared about their relationship at all.

So Frank found himself trapped in a web of his own emotions and he had never been more confused.  
When he had finally made the decision to call John for the first time and had dialed the number it had went straight to voicemail and Frank had hung up quickly.

He didn't do machines very well, and whenever he left messages on them he sounded like a deranged moron.  
So there had been radio silence between the former lovers for a month now and now they were meeting for a game.

In Manchester.  
Against Chelsea, the team of his heart.

Of course the interviews were relentless and non stop, and they were only talking about him and how this game would be for him to play.  
Frank had told them the truth: that this game would feel very strange to him and that it was feeling very uncomfortable to play against his old teammates.

 _''But Mr Lampard: what if you score?''_ one of them had asked and Frank had choked up with the very thought of that.  
Of course he had thought about this possibility happening, but he had stuffed the thought away in his mind.

He could not even think about that option, he didn't want to.  
But now he had to answer this fucking question and to be honest: he didn't know the answer.

What was the right answer to his question?  
Of course he didn't wanna score against the team he loved, and most of all: against the man he loved.

But he could never say that out loud, or the City fans would go nuts.  
So he said: ''well if I do score it would be kinda awkward cause of course I wanna score for my new team but it will hurt me to score against my old teammates and the team I grew up in,''

Yeah that answer sounded all right, he figured.  
He saw the reporters nodding appreciatively so he guessed he had done that test well.

In media, everything was a test and everything could be a trick question.

Frank prepared himself as well as he could for the game against Chelsea ( which on it's own sounded strange enough: a game against Chelsea ) and he got a call from Didier Drogba, asking him how things were and all that.

Frank had always liked Didier a lot, just like John had.  
He was their best friend and their 'brother' and they had always done a lot together.

But Didier sounded worried and concerned and when Frank asked about John he refused to answer him, which on it's own concerned Frank even more.

Frank had always loved the color blue, every time he had put on the Chelsea shirt he had loved it.  
Blue was also his favorite color because of John's eyes, they were such a beautiful color of blue.

But now when Frank put a shirt over his head, it was the wrong color of blue.  
Frank found himself cringing at the sight of himself every day he put it on.

He just felt sick whenever he looked at it, and he still felt like a traitor to his own team, to his fans, to John.  
And most of all: _a traitor to himself._

The game had started bad for 'them' and they had conceded a goal pretty quickly, putting more pressure on guys like Kun and David Silva.  
But they failed to score and Frank already knew where that was going.

When Allegri gave him the order to start his warming up he felt a huge lump form in his throat.  
Whatever he did, he could not be the one who scored against Chelsea and JT, he could not do that to them.

Everyone could score the goal but him and the whole stadium knew it.  
When he was done with his warming up he entered the field, slapping John's hand when he entered, mostly out of habit and to his surprise John reciprocated the gesture.

He even shot Frank a faint smile, as if nothing had changed.  
It was not true of course, everything had changed.

This was the first time in ages that they would be playing against each other, and also the first time where Frank could not count on John to have his back, like he always could.

It was also the first game they played since they had broken up.

Frank knew he had to try to score a goal, for his new 'team' so he tried, but not too hard.  
He saw the Chelsea banters in the corners of his eyes and he felt emotional toward the fans who seemed to honor him despite his poor club choices.

Then out of nowhere someone shot him the ball from the left side, he didn't even register who it was.  
He just reacted to it and before John could reach him, he had slid the ball in the net, behind Courtois ( _thank god it wasn't Petr, he told himself_ ) and the damage was done.

He didn't celebrate it, that would be unethical, cruel and fake because he wasn't happy about scoring this goal.  
Seeing John's destroyed face ate him alive and he felt like crying the rest of the game.

Everything seemed to happen in a blur after that damn goal of his.  
The ref blew the final whistle and they had had a draw, which wasn't that bad.

Frank walked toward Didier and hugged him tight, and he walked toward John and hugged him briefly.  
John couldn't even look him in the eye which hurt him a lot, more then he could ever say out loud.

Then he took off without saying a word.  
Frank was left there standing by himself, feeling numb and confused.

Afterward he really should have gone home, but his legs were moving toward the Chelsea team hotel as if they had a life of their own.  
And so it happened that he was banging on the door of his former lover, without even thinking it trough.

He just couldn't take it to be apart from John anymore, it was too painful, being so incomplete destroyed him.  
So here he was, banging on the damn door for ten minutes without John answering him.

''Please John, please let me in...'' he begged and finally the door slid open and a familiar face appeared in the doorway.  
 _''Didier?''_ he panted, semi relieved, semi confused.

''Hey Lamps, come on in,'' he offered and Frank nodded thankfully and entered the room and saw to his surprise Azpi sitting on the other bed, reading a book.  
''Hey Azpi,'' he smiled affectionately and Azpi jumped up to hug him tight.

''Hi Lamps, I missed you!'' he grinned, with that typical Spanish smile.  
''Missed you too,''

''Can you give us a minute Az,'' Didier said and Azpi nodded and left the room.  
''Are you making that name even shorter now?'' Frank joked, chuckling nervously.

''Oh well you know me, always number one in making new nicknames,'' Didier smiled and he gestured that Frank needed to sit down on the bed.

''Why in gods name did you let me bang on the door for so long? I knew you could hear me,'' Frank murmured annoyed and Didier grinned.

''Oh you know me, always in for a good torment,'' he shrugged and Frank rolled his eyes at his best friend.  

_''So where is he D?_

He was suppose to be here,'' Frank said, pondering out loud.

''I knew you would come for him, so I told the receptionist downstairs to tell you he was in here instead of in his own room.  
She tricked you, naughty girl huh,'' Didier grinned but Frank didn't find it funny.

''Well where is he then?''

''I can't tell you, he made me swear that I wouldn't tell you.  
Look we know you Lamps, and we both knew that you would come for him.  
So I swore not to tell you where he was, cause he can't handle it to see you right now.

You destroyed him today, even more then he was already ruined.  
It's best to leave him be for now,'' Didier said wisely and Frank knew that it was good and solid advice but he needed to see John.

It was like needing air for him, it was something he couldn't live without.  
So he took Didier's hand and squeezed it tight.

''Look I know I screwed up okay, trust me I do.  
I should have handled it better, should have discussed everything with him but you know how Mou's mind games work!

He played me and I fell for it, and now I've lost everything that ever mattered to me.  
And I need him back D I can't live without him, I always knew that I couldn't do it but being without him even this past couple of weeks has been torturous.

I've not been sleeping at all, I can't eat, I can't feel anything anymore.  
I need him to feel alive, to feel that I have a purpose, to feel loved like no other has ever loved me.

And I know he misses me too, that he needs to be complete again like I do.  
He can't deny that anymore then I can.

So please tell me where he is, please I beg you...'' Frank actually crouched down to his knees, sobbing his eyes out and placed his head against Didier's knee, wetting his best friends jeans.

''You must do this, for me, for our friendship's sake,'' he begged and he gazed into Didier's dark eyes and he saw the tears in them.  
Didier looked all tough and mean but he was the worlds biggest softie.

''Room 2012- and you didn't hear it from me,'' he added carefully and Frank smiled and hugged his friend tight.  
 _''Love you D,''_ he said and he kissed his forehead gentle.

''Yeah yeah, you too,'' Didier mumbled and Frank could tell he was bummed that he had broken his promise to John.  
''You better not hurt him again!'' he yelled after Frank and Frank nodded before running out of the room.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. I hate to love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank finally gets let into John's hotel suite and then things start to heat up.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter will be from John's POV mostly and I hope you will like this too.

_Manchester_.

 

When Frank finally got to room 2012 he took several minutes to try to compose himself, but it was useless and he ended up sitting with his back against the door, crying with his head buried in his arms.

After a few minutes the door opened and Frank tumbled backward, almost doing a backward head roll into the room and saw John's face appearing over him, albeit upside down.

''Well I was wondering when you were gonna show, I knew that D would crumble under your begging,'' John grimaced and he helped Frank to his feet, releasing him as quick as he could before back sitting down on his couch.

Frank noticed the half drunk bottle of Scotch on the end table, and he wondered how drunk his lover ( no former lover ) already was.  
Well he figured that he had probably made his drinking a lot worse when they broke up.

He himself had been drinking a lot more then normal too, mostly to settle his mind so he could sleep.  
 _''Drink?''_ John offered with a nod to the bottle and Frank shrugged.

''Sure, if you don't mind,'' he said cautiously.  
''If I would then I wouldn't have offered it now would I?'' John snapped back with a hint of that old, naughty twinkle in his eyes.

John's mind was working overtime, sure he was pretty drunk and fucked up from the seven glasses of Scotch he had downed in like two hours, but seeing Frank had sobered his mind up in seconds.

He knew he would come for him, like he always did and a part of that was comforting, to see that things hadn't changed that much.

''How did you know I was at the door? I didn't even knock,'' Frank asked after John had poured him a glass and handed it to him, no ice of course, Frank hated ice in his Scotch. Ice was for sissies. 

He grimaced grumpily and shrugged.  
''Like I don't know you Lamps, I knew you would come for me.  
And I could feel your nerves radiating from behind that damn door,'' he mumbled and he saw that Frank knew what he was talking about right away.

They had always been able to sense each others soul before they were even close to each other.  
One of the benefits and curses of being soul mates John figured.

John was sipping his Scotch in silence and refused to look at Frank, although he wanted nothing more then to look at him, to hold him, to make love to him, feeling those perfect lips on his own again...

But he couldn't do that, no he needed to stay strong.  
Frank had broken his heart, he had abandoned everything that John held dear and he couldn't just forgive him for that.

He wouldn't bend down to his lover again.  
No wait: _his former lover._

John still wasn't used to saying that out loud.  
Even thinking it hurt him and it made his throat dry and it gave him a headache.

The last couple of weeks had been absolute hell for him, arriving on Cobham for training wasn't he same and he could not get used to being there without Lamps.

Every time he wanted to make a joke or do a prank, he turned around to tell it to Lamps who wasn't here of course so John didn't tell any jokes anymore.

He could barely eat, didn't sleep more then an hour or two each night and spend a lot of time at night watching their old pictures and games, crying softly at the sight of what he had lost.

He had never been this moody and depressed in all his life and Didier had taken him under his wing, coming over to his house almost every day to make sure he was all right.

John loved Didier a lot and was thankful for the concerns but sometimes he had to resist the urge to kick his best friend out.

Because he didn't want to see Didier, he _needed_ to see Lamps, it was as simple as that.  
And it was only now that John realized just how much he needed Lamps in his life.

He missed everything about him, hearing his voice, teasing him with his nerdy character when he was being a wise ass, he missed whining against him when he felt like people were ganging up on him.

He missed their long conversations, lying in his arms exhausted after a night of sex, he missed his scent, he missed it to tell him how much he loved him.  
When he thought about it now that he was around his lover again, he realized just how much he had missed everything about the older man.

He turned to Frank, facing him for the first time in a month and he studied his face for a while, admiring the handsome features on his lovers face.  
Frank had always been the most gorgeous man he had ever known but he seemed even more handsome now they had been apart for so long.

John took a deep breath and took Frank's hand into his own, enjoying the feeling of the warm and familiar skin to his own.  
God he had missed those hands, the feeling of the heartbeat pulsating under his own.

Melting together with Frank's soul...  
 _''I'm sorry Lamps,''_ he choked out and Frank wriggled his eyebrows and John could tell he didn't understand what this was about.

''About saying those horrible things to you when I last saw you,'' he explained and Frank's face got even more serious and his blue eyes darkened.  
''How drunk are you exactly JT?'' he asked and John rolled his eyes.

''Not that drunk! I'm not apologizing because I've had a drink!'' he mumbled offended and Frank raised his eyebrows, and his nose wrinkled a bit and John groaned desperately.

He always used to love it to place kisses on Frank's cute nose and he had to contain himself from reaching out to him and kissing it now.

''All right I had _a lot_ of drinks!  
But that's not the point!

I do feel bad about what I said, I've never should have said that you didn't love me.  
That was way over the fucking line and I knew it.

But I just felt so hurt and I wanted to hurt you I guess,'' John sighed and he felt Frank give a little squeeze in his hand and he looked up to gaze him in the eyes.

''Hey it's okay love, you don't need to explain yourself to me.  
I know I screwed everything up okay, I know that.

And today I broke you heart again by scoring that damn goal, _oh god that will haunt me to my fucking grave._  
I don't know how I could have done that to you, after what I had already put you trough, I just-'' Frank broke down and started crying and John tugged him close to his chest, closing his eyes when he felt Frank's arms come around his body.

Frank was sobbing with his head on his shoulder and John stroked his back gentle and breathed the familiar scent of Frank's hair and body and he couldn't help himself and so he kissed Frank on his cheek before taking another sip of his Whiskey.

''Hey you don't have to apologize for _anything_ all right!  
But I do!

Look I know I had a right to be very pissed at you, but I've talked to Didier a lot about us,'' he said, and he coughed a bit thanks to the bitterness of his last sip of Whiskey. ''And I realize now that I overreacted to you leaving. It's because of my damn abandonment issues you know?'' he asked and Frank nodded understanding and cupped his face with his right hand.

''I just couldn't believe that you were really _leaving me_ , and leaving the team behind and so I lashed out, and hurt I you and I hurt myself.  
I've let you down Lamps, I've let a lot of people down lately and one of them was me.

Breaking up with you was a stupid reaction, I was running away from us because I thought that I had been right all along: _people only leave you in the end._  
And you were leaving so I figured that it was the only logical thing to do.

But I should have given you the benefit of the doubt, I should have known how much you loved me, how much we meant to each other.  
That this wasn't the end for us, but I was weak and stupid and now I lost you forever.

I'm so sorry Lamps, I'm so sorry,'' he cried and he saw the hint of a small smile curl on Frank's lips.

 _''I know all that love, because I know you._  
I know that you're damaged and that you have issues with commitment and abandonment, but I've loved you trough all of that haven't I?'' he asked and John nodded slowly and smiled, feeling a bit more reassured of himself.

''So you don't have to apologize to me, because that is what love is.  
It means that we all make mistakes but they shouldn't cost you everything you want, and I've never once since we've split had the feeling that I wasn't a part of you anymore, because I am.

I've thought about you every second of every day that we've been apart and I love you with the same ridiculous and unhealthy amount as I did before.  
 _You're still the one for me love, and you always will be,''_ Frank vowed and John kissed the tip of his nose before bursting out into tears.

He felt strong arms swallowing his broken body whole and he welcomed the warm embrace with all his heart.  
Because he loved this damn idiot so much.

He loved him with every fibre of his being, with all his bad and good qualities.  
And he needed him in his life, that need overshadowed his anger and he knew that he had punished both of them enough.

''Shh it's all right love, I'm here for you, let it all go,'' Frank shushed and he massaged John's temple's gentle with his warm fingers.

John gazed into his eyes and placed his forehead against Frank's and felt his lovers hands stroking trough his hair and the back of his neck.

Heath was rising up in his heart and this was the most alive he had felt in a month.  
He moved his face to the side and when his lips were almost brushing over Frank's he separated them again and whispered: ''I love you so much,''

Frank just smiled, his eyes wet and he pressed a warm kiss to John's forehead, a kiss that John could feel spreading to his toes.  
''I know, I've never doubted it,'' Frank answered and John grinned.

 _That smug bastard,_ he thought.  
''And I love you too, you know that,'' Frank added with a wink, obviously enjoying it to torment John with his insecurities like he always did.

John appreciated that, because it was nice to know that even though everything had changed between them, some things had stayed the same.  
It was a comforting thought.

Then Frank moved in closer, pulling John on his lap, wrapping his arms around his back as tight as he could before kissing him like he had never kissed him before.  
It was more intimate somehow, a bit deeper and more emotional.

Frank was always the one in control of their kisses, always the one who dictated the tempo because John was always willing for more, always willing to give Frank all of himself.

But this time Frank relinquished his power to John by not trying to part his lovers lips.  
Instead he just pressed his own lips against John's gently and he felt John's eager moans, wishing for a deeper kiss, wishing he would part his lips.

But only when John's warm and urgent tongue pressed against Frank's lips he parted them, allowing themselves to rise to a higher level of existence.

Kissing Frank had always been as close to heaven as John had ever came ( and probably would ever come since he wasn't exactly a person who believed that he would go to heaven anyway ) and he loved it even more then making love to him.

It was more intimate somehow, made him feel more complete.  
Frank's hands were sliding under his shirt before he knew it and he whimpered to the feeling of those warm, strong hands on his bare skin.

John was sucking on Frank's lower lip passionately and he felt Frank's desire growing in his pants, as well as his own did.  
It had been too fucking long since they had been together.

Usually they had sex every day as both of them were very sexual guys but now neither one of them had gotten any in a month.  
Both of their bodies yearned to be complete again, to be whole, to heal each other of the pain they had caused one another.

Frank tugged John's shirt over his head and kissed his bare chest.  
 _''Oh god I've missed you,''_ he groaned before placing his hot lips back on John's muscled chest, causing the other man to moan.

''I know-missed you-too,'' he panted and he ripped Frank's shirt of, spraying the buttons all over the carpet.  
Frank then embraced him again, their bare chests touching each other warm and he felt John curl his legs around his waist, not willing to let him go.

He placed his head in John's neck, kissing it from time to time and they sat there for a while.  
Just holding each other, breathing in and out as one, enjoying the feeling of being together again.

And then just when John's hand started to slide down to Frank's zipper he started to feel nauseous.  
 _Fuck, it was just his luck_.

''Shit, sorry love, I gotta run,'' he hissed and he barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up in the sink, puking his guts out.  
Frank appeared behind him in seconds, stroking his back comforting, supporting his drunken body with his strong arms.

''It's okay love, I got you, come on let's get you to bed,'' he soothed when he knew John was done puking.  
''I need to brush my-''

''Yeah I know, here let me get you're toothbrush,'' Frank offered and he walked to the bedroom and pulled the electrical toothbrush from John's suitcase.  
He placed it against John's lips earning a furious groan in return for his patronizing behavior.

 _''Jesus Lamps, I can brush my own fucking teeth! I'm not a toddler!''_ he groaned and Frank started giggling.

''I know that you stubborn bastard, I just wanted to help,'' he grinned and he folded his arms over each other and watched his lover carefully in the meantime.

Just to make sure he wouldn't tumble over John figured with a semi annoyed, semi flattered grin.

''You're staying with me right?'' John mumbled with his mouth full and Frank smirked.

''Manners _Johnny_ , I know your mum taught you not to talk with your mouth full, although you have done it before but back then it was stuffed with something else,'' he grinned and John splashed some water on Frank before spitting his toothpaste into the sink.

''Asshole,'' he grumbled but he kissed Frank's cheek anyway.  
He handed the toothbrush to Frank who started brushing his teeth too and he sat down on the edge of the bathtub, supporting his own weight warily and everything seemed to spin.

Oh for fuck sake, why did he have so much to drink tonight?  
Now they couldn't even have sex.

''Would you like me to draw you a bath?'' Frank offered when he had spit out his toothpaste and John thought about that option, gnawing on his lower lip for a while.

''Hm well I would love to get into the tub with you, but I feel very dizzy so I think the hot water would only make it ten times worse.  
But thanks for offering it, really.

Maybe we can go into it tomorrow morning,'' he said, the unspoken question still lingering in the air.

Would Lamps be staying the night?

''Sure that sounds fun,'' Lamps smiled and he embraced John tight, placing a warm kiss to his temple, wrapping his arms around John's sides and he led him back to the bedroom.

''Of course I'm staying you idiot,'' he said and John felt a huge amount of air escape his lungs, and he wrapped his arm around Frank's neck for support.

It was not the first time that one of them was insanely drunk and needed to be carried to the bedroom by the other, but it was the first time in their relationship that going to the bedroom together meant something different then it usually did.

Because they would be sleeping together tonight, not fucking but sleeping.  
And they had both missed sleeping behind each other so much it almost hurt.

When they had almost reached the bedroom-Frank moaning and cursing John during the way for picking such a huge suite- John collapsed in Frank's arms and the older man saw no other choice but to pick him up and carry him into his arms to the bedroom.

John wrapped his arms around Frank's neck and placed a kiss to his lovers cheek before passing out.

Frank laid him down on the bed, took John's sweat pants and his underwear off and then removed his own jeans and underwear and curled up behind John's now fully naked body.

His lips curled up a bit when he realized that he was finally back where he belonged, spooned up behind the man he loved.  
John grumbled a bit and woke up ( probably thanks to something very hard rising to his back ) and he smiled.

 _''Lampsy?''_ he asked and Frank grinned, his cheeks hot and red.  
''Yes love,''

''Why are we naked?''  
''Well because you passed out and I wanted to sleep against you like we always did, feeling your skin against mine,''

John felt a warm and pleasant smile spreading over his face, a smile he hadn't felt in a month and he turned around and stroked Frank's cheek.  
''I'm sorry I drank so much, I want to-'' he said a blush spreading over his face which Frank found extremely adorable.

''I know, don't say that love.  
Maybe tomorrow morning okay, don't worry.  
Just sleeping in your arms is enough for me honestly,'' Frank vowed and John kissed him deep and intense.

When he was done ravaging his lips he placed a kiss to Frank's nose.  
''Liar,'' he grinned before turning around and pulling Frank as close to him as he could.

''I love you too asshole,'' Frank teased and he placed a line of long sucking kisses in John's neck, driving him mad with desire and lust.  
''Stop that otherwise you'll have to take me cause I can't deal with you doing that after all this time,''

So Frank stopped, and John knew he did that reluctantly, but he stopped anyway and he loved him for being considerate to his feelings.  
''Go to sleep now my love, I'll be here for you if you need me,'' Frank hushed and John turned around one last time and gave Frank a deep sloppy kiss.

''Good night love,'' he mumbled when he turned around and he fell asleep in seconds.  
It was the first time either one of them had slept trough the night in a month.

_They were finally home again._   
_Safe in each others arms._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I will make a third chapter about the morning after, cause I kinda wanna include some Lamperry sex but I'm not sure about that.  
> How do you feel about that?  
> Are you content with this ending or do you want more?


End file.
